Snapshots of an Ordinary Woman: A moment's worth of pain.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

A moment's worth of pain.

I'm apt this evening to believe that life doesn't get any easier as we move forward. I'm pretty sure it will never get any easier but I

understand I have to keep going. I actually had a wonderful weekend. I went out with some friends on Thursday, spent more time with friends on Friday, had a wonderful coffee breakfast with an old friend Saturday morning, had a date Saturday night, threw a surprise party for him, and spent this afternoon at the gun range getting out some frustrations. Then, I opened my mouth.

I've kind of been seeing a new guy, a guy I happen to really like and enjoy spending time with. He makes me laugh a lot and smile, which is something new these days. His birthday was yesterday and I decided to be the person that I am and do something nice for him. Hence, the surprise party. Ironically enough, he's kind of going through the same situation as I am, a breakup at least... (that seems to be going around these parts these days.) And suddenly I feel like I'm causing problems. Unlike him, I have the fortune of distance on my hands in that I don't ever have to see my ex again or deal with him. This guy on the other hand does. And she hates me. Nothing new in my book. I just, I hate being the one in the middle. Causing more hurt and more problems. People have enough to deal with these days, why should I add to it? So I opened my mouth and said I'd remove myself from the picture for awhile so he could work things out. I don't understand how life can be so good some days and then suddenly, there's a change and I'm back in the paused stage. As if life isn't going anywhere.
I've been so good lately... things seem to be moving forward and I feel like I can enjoy life and take so much out of it. I don't have to stop and be somebody I don't want to be. I can laugh and I can smile and I can do things. And then, I can't anymore. My try to ease hurt, to help, doesn't
f

eel like I did.... and so now I'm left questioning again, and wondering, and feeling like I'm never going to heal.

The range was really fun this afternoon, I have wonderful friends. I feel like I let some things go and then, I brought them back again when I opened my mouth. It hurts and day to day I know it's going to be tough but I'll make it. It's the moment by moment I'm just not sure I can handle.

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Defining Quotes

"My life can only ever be a lesson to me. The four key things that it has taught me thus far:
After night comes day.
After death comes life.
Even at your darkest time look around because you are never really alone.
You are loved."
-Pack up the Moon

"Forget what happened before, and DO NOT think about the past. Look at the new thing I am GOING to do. It is already happening. Don't you see it?"
-Isaiah 43:18

"I am your refuge and your strength. Even though the earth gives way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, do not fear. I am an ever present help in trouble."
Psalm 46:1-3

"But pain is hard to put into words and in life there is always pain. It's natural as birth or death. Pain makes us who we are, it teaches us and tames us, it can destroy us and it can save. We all have regrets--Some tragedies are of our doing and then sometimes things happen that are out of this world's control and when it happens, it can take our breath away.
Happiness is a gift. It washes its warmth over us and reminds us of beauty."
-Pack up the Moon

"I am dying from grief; my years are shortened by sadness. Misery has drained my strength; I am wasting away from within. But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying. 'You are my God!' My future is in your hands."
-Psalm 31:10, 14-15

"There's nothing better than adversity. Every defeat, every heartbreak, every loss contains its own seed, its own lesson on how to improve."
- Og Mandino

"I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life... to put to rout all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. "
-Henry David Thoreau

"Yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the Lord never ends!"
-Lamentations 3:21

A Runner

I am a passionate about running.
It is in my soul.

"The race is not always to the swift, but to those who keep on running."
-Nike running poster

"I ran to be free; I ran to avoid pain; I ran to feel pain; I ran our of love and hate and anger and joy."
-DAGNY SCOTT

"Happiness is different from pleasure. Happiness has something to do with struggling and enduring and accomplishing."
-GEORGE SHEENAN

"Learn to run when feeling the pain: then push harder."
-WILLIAM SIGEI

"Out on the roads there is fitness and self-discovery and the persons we were destined to be."
-DR. GEORGE SHEEHAN

"If you want to become the best runner you can be, start now. Don't spend the rest of your life wondering if you can do it."
-PRISCILLA WELCH

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world is a mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How muc you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if yo uknow what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit and not pointing fingers saying you ain't wher eyo uare because of him, or her, or anybody."
-ROCKY BALBOA

"You were born to run. Maybe not that fast, maybe not that far, maybe not as efficiently as others. But to get up and move, to fire up that entire energy-producing, oxygen-delivering, bone-strengthening process we call running."
-FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER and JON HANC

"Running is a thing worth doing not because of the future rewards it bestows, but because of how it feeds our bodies and minds and souls in the present."
-KEVIN NELSON

"Running is elementary. It is elegant in its simplicity."
-JOHN BINGHAM, The Courage To Start

Snapshots of an Ordinary Woman

Sunday, September 21, 2008

A moment's worth of pain.

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