Track practice kicked my butt tonight and I am beat... which isn't good because I still have homework to do, but for some reason I find myself writing. Not new. I think today is just one of those days where I need to write and let everything out. My heart hurts and I'm not sure what to do about it. I feel like this has been a good week. I'm getting into school and track practice is slowly getting easier. Running has been good for my soul. Being out on the track in the scorching heat and beating sun, letting everything out through my strides even if I'm in last place, feels like heaven. I know, most of you probably think this sounds like torture but at this point in my life, I need this. I need to beat myself down and break my soul. But today hurt. Not on the track but in my heart. I guess it's because I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be feeling and understanding in life right now. Some moments everything is fine and I'm putting one foot in front of the other.. .and other moments I'm so confused and emotionless and I feel like I'll never get it back.
I don't really know how to interact with people... am I supposed to be hurting? Am I supposed to be mourning, depressed, unsocial and focused on everything but my heart and love....or is it ok to move forward and feel a little? To have fun, enjoy life, make new friends, date, try new things, explore the future and enjoy the here and now? My mind is such a maze of questions tonight and I can't focus... I'm supposed to be reading but I can't get Tomlin out of my earphones which means I'm sitting here trying to write while also singing. So, I suppose I'll leave it at this tonight... just questions I needed to ask the world.
Everlasting God
-Chris Tomlin
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord,We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord,
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God You reign forever
Our hope, Our strong deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint, You won't grow weary
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord,
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord,
We will wait upon the Lord
We will wait upon the Lord
Our God You reign forever
Our hope, Our strong deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint, You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
Our God You reign forever
Our hope, Our strong deliverer
You are the everlasting God
The everlasting God
You do not faint, You won't grow weary
You're the defender of the weak
You comfort those in need
You lift us up on wings like eagles
God, You are everlasting
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