Hello 2009!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It seems fairly unbelievable that 2009 is actually here, however, I have never been more ready for a new start, a new year, than I am today. I took a little time yesterday to look back over 2008 and think about what I went through. I could lie and say that I strongly feel 2009 is going to be a lot better, a happy and good year, and I think everything is going to work out. But like I said, that's probably a lie.
The truth is, 2009 is going to be just as hard as 2008. Not because I'm foreshadowing anything horrible, but I can't control the year. As much as I would like a wonderful year of happiness, I understand that there will probably be more heartbreak in a sense. Last year, these last six months in general, have been one of the most trying times of my life, but these past few months have really opened my eyes and my heart to God. In a sense, my faith is at it's weakest point but also at it's strongest. I say that because I'm learning to be vulnerable to God and in letting go of myself, I'm learning to let my faith lead my life.
At New Year's of last year I expected a wonderful year. I planned to travel to Ireland, graduate college, and plan my wedding. But halfway through 2008, my plans were shattered and life fell apart. Or so I thought. My fiance called off our wedding and I seemed to lose all direction in life. Everything I had figured out for this year was gone and I had no direction. But now, what I believe really happened was God spoke to me.
For so long Jeremiah 29:11 has been one of my favorite verses. 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.' (NIV) It was that quintessential direction after I graduated high school and started "growing up" as I headed out into the college world. I've had it posted in my dorm rooms, on my apartment walls, and even jotted down on bookmarks, thinking that if I kept rereading it, life would be perfectly planned. However, what I didn't understand is that God's plans take time and trials. Just because He has plans for me doesn't mean it is going to be an easy road. He promises not to harm me, but that doesn't mean I won't hurt. Life is not perfectly planned, ever, and sometimes it is that hurt and not understanding which make us the strongest because in our weakness something brings us crawling back to Him, empty and vulnerable ready to be shaped.
I think I became so attached to this verse that in time, it lost meaning. I was reading it, but I wasn't understanding it, and with this change of plans God is calling me to find hope. I may not think life is perfectly planned, but to my Creator who never makes a mistake, life is. To me, a hiccup in my plans seems to interrupt my life, causing me to stumble around, but those hiccups are really what set me on His path. Because I have Him deeply rooted in my heart, there is something that sets me apart and keeps me going despite the sadness, anger, and trials. Hope is like peanut butter. If I chew on it, the hiccups slowly dwindle and I can breathe easy again. No matter how many times I get the hiccups, a spoonful of peanut butter never disappoints. It helps me breathe again. In my weakness and vulnerability, it is hope which brings me crawling back to Him and sets my path straight. Knowing God means knowing hope. Trials take time and sometimes there are many hiccups, but hope is always there, just like JIFF, waiting in the cupboard for me to seek it.
Jeremiah 29:11 is a wonderful verse, and something great to hang on your wall, but we have to remember what God says next: Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart (v. 12-13 NIV). We cannot just sit down and let life happen. We cannot just plan and think things will work out perfectly. We have to seek Him out for every direction in life and understand that heartbreak, in many senses, will occur, but no matter how hard the trials seem, the peanut butter is always there. Hope does not disappoint us (Romans 5:5).