The New Year: Day by Day

I have never been very good at making New Year's Resolutions. Wait, I take that back. I'm very good at making resolutions, it's the following through part that I can't ever make. So... this year I'm doing something a little different. Since I've already failed yet again.

I took a run on New Year's Day and surprisingly, it was a great run. Nice sunny weather, not too cold and I felt strong. My movement was good. Halfway through my run my ipod died so I started thing and the most random, crazy thought popped into my head. Caitlin, you should run every day for the next year. Now, at the time it sounded great, probably because I was running and running well. I figured 365 days of running couldn't be that bad. I assumed I'd have a few bad days so on the off chance I didn't feel like running, I set a limit: at least 10 minutes of actual running because I know I can get a mile in less than that time, so 10 minutes a day minimum sounded great. Friday came and I ran again, another 3 miles down. Saturday came and I woke up sick. Go figure, right? So I headed to the gym and walked for a hour throwing in my ten minutes of running, a little sporadically, but still running. Then Sunday hit and I failed.

I don't get sick a lot, in fact, I haven't been sick in probably over a year, which is why now was the perfect time for it to hit. Right smack dab at the beginning of my new plans. So needless to say, in the first four days of the new year, I already failed at my resolution, but I'm ok with that... because I'm still running and that's what matters. Through the past year I've learned to understand that the plans in life sometimes don't work out... and we are all failures in a sense, but through God we can keep going. A lot of the things I want to do in life will never happen, but ultimately it is about striving for those things. To keep persevering, to make the most of the opportunity that comes my way. To set goals and try to reach them but understand that sometimes, my plans and goals are not what my Creator has for me. Most times He has a different path that I will reach in His timing, in His way. But somehow, always reaching them.
Which is why if I am able to run, no matter the pain I'm feeling or mindset that I don't want too, I probably will run. I may not make it for ten minutes everyday of this next coming year, in fact I know I won't because I've already missed a few and there will be more missed days. But it is those days when I am out striving to run when my goal is edged on by hope.

Live wisely among those who are not believers, and make the most of every opportunity.
-Colossians 4:5

So this year, 2009, is not going to be a year of resolutions and promises to myself, but instead, goals that I am going to strive for. Some fun, some serious, but all soul-strengthening and hope giving.

• Keep running, no matter the pain or mind-set. My heart may not be into running right now, but it is the footsteps that will get me back to the place I need to be.
• Get into an M.A. program. I'm slowly starting to find the peace that I'm searching for and quite possibly the path God wants me to be on. So I'm pursuing my writing in the small baby steps it takes to get there.
• Feel settled where I am at and quit searching for the 'great place' I feel I should be breathing in. Sometimes I think I've been running from the plans God has had for me all along. If I would just stop and quietly listen, that peace I long for would consume me.
• Take a great trip (or two or three) with friends this summer. I've already been talking with my best friend from high school and for years we've talked about road tripping... her husband will be deploying here in a month and so her and her son will be spending a lot of time with family. I just have this feeling that it's going to be a great time and even though we don't have major plans yet, I am really looking forward to it.
• Read War and Peace. I have talked about it, spark noted it, read about it, but never actually read it. I want to conquer it this year, probably more of a summer goal.
• Learn a language. If I make it into grad school, I'm going to have to take another year or two of a foreign language since I didn't get a B.A degree... so maybe if I brush up on French this summer or study Irish or Italian I could weave it into my language classes. Summer time is looking busy.
• Go skydiving. I have been talking about doing this for years... I've mainly avoided it because of my fear of heights but since I conquered those this summer... it's time to do it. And I'm doing this one before I graduate in May.
• Speaking of graduation, I'm applying to be commencement speaker. Probably a pretty scary goal, and random at that, but one of those why not moments.
• Publish a book: my memoir or collection of essays. This is a work in progress.
• Open my own coffee shop. Again, a work in progress... probably a long-term goal, but something I'm passionate about nonetheless. There's something about coffee, and loving people which draws me. Which is why I want to work towards it.

I look at this list and see pretty hefty goals and plans, and I know that there is a good chance some of these, or even all of these may never happen... but I believe it is in my striving to reach these goals and the strength I gain in the journey where God lies and where I will learn and grow. Where I will find hope in the new day.
It's about living in wisdom and making the most of every opportunity, whether gained or failed.
Because even if tomorrow never comes, I still have hope in the beauty of how God moves me in this day.