To Whom it May Concern- Letter from an Ireland bound girl

Dearest Lover, Family, Friends, Faithful Readers of Mine, and the Rest of the World:

This letter is finding it's way onto my blog in order to inform you that I will be traveling to the Emerald Isle for a sabbatical in ten days. Ok, so in reality I'm studying abroad for the second half of my summer term but I like to think of it as a sabbatical and I'll explain more on why that is later. I want you to know that as much as I love every single one of you and hold you dear in my heart, I am planning on being slightly selfish and enjoying the future five weeks of my time in Ireland. I will be blogging as much as I can to keep you up to date on my adventures, but I wanted to let you all into my head before I left.

This letter is in no way to appear sarcastic, satirical, funny, hurtful, or anything but serious, loving, and informative. As most of you know (because I can't stop talking about it) I'm planning on studying abroad in Ireland come the month of July. Things have worked out so wonderfully with my graduating early that I am also able to fulfill my dream of traveling and studying some of my favorite literature and culture before I leave school. I am so very excited and thrilled to be doing this. The only problem is that it comes at a very transitory time of the year and it is only the beginning of my stresses. I know that right now there is a lot going on with each and every one of you, as is most days in this brevity we call life. We fall into the busy days and sometimes we don't give enough attention to the people or things that we should. It's hard to put our focus on just one thing sometimes and we become consumed with something, only to finish it out until the end leaving everything/one behind. At least I know I am capable of doing this.
I want you all to try and understand how much I love you and how much you mean to me. There is a myriad of things going on at this time in all of our lives and I am happy for each and every one of you, whatever direction you are heading in and whatever you are engaged in. If I seem a little preoccupied right now, or maybe as if I don't care, please, please, do not take it personally. I am just a mess of a lot of things right now myself. My mind is going in several different directions trying to get ready for my trip, trying to work super hard and graduate, and trying to plan my wedding. Not to mention moving, a new job in the fall, looking for a job after the fall, and trying to become a good wife. If that's not enough, trust me... my head is full.
Which is why Ireland couldn't come at a better time. I know several people have asked me if I'm really ready to go or if this is turning out to be the wrong time because of everything else I have to do and everything going on with all of you. Though my head feels like it can't take everything right now, especially something as wonderful as traveling, my heart tells me it is right. I want nothing more than to go to Ireland right now in this moment.
I am not a person who can relax and be calm for a long period of time. I stress very easily and usually for a long while. It is a flaw and a downfall. And I can always tell when I'm stressing because I can't pay attention and I stress and get angry at the most minuscule things. Which is why I need this. I hate to do it, but for once in my life, I have to be selfish. Sometimes I take "me time" but it's never really "me time" because I don't relax. I might read for a little bit or go exercise or watch a movie, but my mind is constantly going and worrying about something else; it's constantly moving right now about the fall and my future. Even with all the yoga I have been doing, I feel the stress in my shoulders. I carry everything there. I am tense in my traps and worried about the upcoming year and that is why I need to get away. I need time for me--to breathe, to enjoy, to relax, to get away from everything and everyone here. I need me back if I am ever going to move forward.
It pains me to do this because people (all of you) are important to me. Especially all that is going on in your lives! Even if you think I'm not that social, people are my life. You--my friends and family are so dear to me that I hate leaving you behind and I know I will be homesick because I will miss you terribly. But I have to do this. I've been given a wonderful opportunity that I'm embracing. I'm trying to let go of everything so I can enjoy it. That means no wedding planning, no thinking about school here, no thinking about moving or new jobs, and that means no friends or family and what you are doing.
Don't get me wrong, I will write you, just maybe not letters or emails. I plan to blog while I am there and keep you updated with pictures but I cannot promise anything. I most likely will not be making any phone calls because it costs too much and is a hassle I don't want to deal with. If I have time between classes and/or extra means to the internet between traveling I will email you, I promise that. But, if all I have time for is a blog, then a blog you will get. I'll let everyone know once I get there and that I'm safe, but please don't be hurt or upset if you don't personally hear from me for five weeks. You all will survive. I promise. I know I will.
I'm getting ready to enter into a different part of life here in a few months. I'll be a college graduate in the real world and a wife. It's what I like to look forward too as the start of my life. I love my life now, it is wonderful, I'm just going to be entering into a new phase. A new beginning. And before I even attempt to do that, I have to breathe and prepare myself.
I'm looking at Ireland as a sabbatical (sab·bat·i·cal –noun any extended period of leave from one's customary work, esp. for rest, to acquire new skills or training, etc. -adjective bringing a period of rest.) because it is bringing a period of rest into my life. Though it is only a few short weeks, I hope to come back renewed, energized, and ready for whatever life brings at me. I hope this experience changes me and makes me even more faithful, open minded, adventurous, and laid back, but also brings more perseverance, determination, and fun into my life. I hope Ireland turns my mindset to being ready for anything and open to immediate opportunities, helps me understand I cannot always control things, banishes worry, let go of stress, challenges me, makes me take risks, and teaches me to go with the flow. I hope it renews my strength and dignity and helps me to laugh at the days to come. (Prov. 31:25)
Ireland will change me. I know this. Please understand this too: in order for me to change, I have to have me and no one/thing else. I have to focus on my life and what is happening in the moment as it happens. I have to let go of everything that everyone else is doing, and all of my planning and stressing for next year. I need these weeks to be me and Ireland, and nothing else.
I will be different when I get back but look forward to it with me.

Until June 27th when I fly out of this country, take everything I do with ease. My mind is very preoccupied right now and until I am in the Emerald Isle, I will be like this. I am excited, nervous, scared, worried, and stressed all at once. These are a lot of emotions for a small woman like me to handle running through my body. This is a HUGE dream I am accomplishing and something I have never done before and I cannot wait to tell you all about it.
I do care about everything involved in all of your lives, I love you with my heart... I just have to be selfish for a mere moment.

I love you all and I wish you the most wonderful few weeks.
I'll keep you all updated on my trip!

Caitlin

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
-Irish Saying