Winter is dead; when I step outside no matter how many layers I'm wearing, the cold immediately sinks to my bones and I feel like I'm a frozen mess. I want the ocean and the sun, even if it is a little breezy. Needless to say, I haven't set one running foot outside in the past two months. I think Winter is killing my soul.
I'm down from running 6 days a week, to maybe 4, and those are on the treadmill at a very low mileage. Which makes it worse. Half the time I'm at the gym I don't even run because the treadmill is just plain evil; I do other cardio but it just isn't fulfilling. It's so substituting to a real run. Instead, I wear my old race shirts some days, and pretend like I'm the runner I was before Winter hit.
I know I'm a runner, it's just when I can't run, I feel like a part of me is missing. My soul feels dismembered. If I was brave enough I'd layer up and run outside, but I can't get past the bitterness that freezes my muscles. That's when I feel like I'm not the runner, when all the courage I have normally out there pacing, is gone because of a little obstacle.
Life is like that sometimes... substituting. Everybody goes through phases and hard times, and the person we really are gets put to the side and a substitute comes in to deal with whatever is happening. Sometimes we put on a fake smile, pretend to be happy, or just don't talk about things and try to figure it out ourself. We let this substitute person walk through the day and figure out everything. Our mind is hazy because it isn't really us thinking. When really the whole time, our real self is still inside.
I'll admit, until it warms up some, I still can't set foot outside for my normal morning run. It's just too cold, not hard, just cold. I'll continue to face the treadmill until spring hits, but I'm not going to be the substitute runner. I AM a runner, whether it's outside or inside. The hard has hit, so I just have to hit back harder. Pull out the runner who hunkers down and hides because I have to face a little obstacle. As a runner, I have courage, a destiny, to run. Why let the substitute have all the fun?
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