Glacial

I'm in a shlump. That's blatantly obvious by my lack of writing and running. Well, I have been writing some, but only papers for the end of the semester. Which I'm totally and utterly done with. Only three more weeks though and I'll be back to it. GUHH.
It's been weird because you would've thought I'm at my happiest right now. My love is back from Iraq (and has been for three months now), I survived my first deployment as a military girlfriend stronger in my faith then I thought I knew, I finished the semester pretty much with A's and I only have one year left of school,I'm running my second half marathon in May, I'm going to Ireland next summer, my family is joyous and wonderful, my friends are fantastic, I have a wonderful God who loves me, I just turned 21!
Why can't I look at that list and let my heart jump for joy? I just don't understand. There are so many blessings and good things going on but it feels as if my heart strings have been severed. The heart that fits so perfectly in it's cavity isn't working. I can't focus, I don't conversate very well with Him right now because of that focus. I feel like I'm not pacing through life. I'm just slogging. It all goes back to that brain and heart thing. My brain is fried yet it's what is living my life. I just got the coolest sweatshirt ever for Christmas and it has my favorite verse on it, Hebrews 12:1-3. "Let us run with perseverance....." That's all I want to do. To take one more step with strength, to focus, to run per say through life. Not always literally (though I love that too.) Why does it seem so easy to not focus on the long list of blessings in our lives?
Tthere is a hindrance in my way. It's such a tiny thing too compared to all that is good. God tells us not to worry, not to focus on tomorrow, or what we'll eat or what we'll wear... but I do. It's like I try to carry the stress and the weight of my ENTIRE life and yet, it's all ready been carried for me. I just need to let my heart find that.

Glacial

The heart runs to a place I can't search
Come back to me
I beg you
When you are lost
world
tips on it's side,
like a child playing with a globe.
Africa spins and lands where Antarctica belongs.
An arctic wasteland, you abide in the wrong corner.
Bring warmth where all hope is gone
Don't let the frozen world spin you. You are where you belong because you were given.

To step forward with faith is an amazing thing. And it doesn't even have to be a big step. But I know I can do it because my heart isn't a glacier. It's full, and warm, and blessed, and given. I don't need anyone to tell me that, I don't need sun to make me feel better (though I do love it), I don't need to be in a special place, or even on the top of my game. I just have to understand that I have a heart and my heart is full. Focus doesn't come because I've fried myself. It doesn't come because I don't want it too. We just have to choose. To wake up in the morning and smile , To be happy, to have lots of heart. To take that step of perseverance. The world will beat us down but we don't have to let it. We can get up each and every time because we were given the chance too. We just have to embrace that chance. Carpe Diem (I know... overused but I still love it so...) Carpe Diem.