Happy New Year!!

Happy New Year everyone!!! Wow, 2008 is finally over!! I'm so excited about this new year....and if my low key night-- playing some video games and spending time with friends-- is any hint for for the next year, then I'm ready for it. Time for loving and making moments count!


Me and the Lib



I hope everyone had a wonderful night!! Time to start on those resolutions....

The Last Day

Today is the very last day of 2008 and I'm doing something drastic.

To ring in new beginnings, I'm cleaning up my blog and deleting some posts, so in case you have the itch to peruse through my past years or so, some writings might be missing. I honestly feel it's the only way to really, really start over. I can't change the past, nor would I want too because I would not be who I am today had life not happened as it had, but I'm letting go of some memories. I've heard before that time and experiences don't always matter, it's the memories that count and I like that idea. No matter what we do, we never truly lose our memories. They may fade with time and age, and each day it may be harder to grasp onto those wonderful times, but in memory, we can relive anything we want too, no matter the age.

But today, I'm ready to let some fade in order to make room for a year of more memories.

I challenge you to find something this past year you're holding onto and let it go. Let the empty space be made whole again.

EIU Friday Night Classic

Pictures from my first collegiate track meet!!









I ran the 1000 m; my only competition--my two teammates! It was a great run and a wonderful way to end the semester.

Confession of a sinner

I found a blog today that really spoke to me because I felt so connected and has caused me to write a post. I know I haven't been writing much lately, it just seems that when I get so busy or inadvertently stressed, my writing suffers, which in turn depresses me because writing has always been my outlet and part of my strength. I hate not being able to write when it is what I feel compelled to do.

My writing centers around my beautiful God, running, faith, and just my life. But for the past four months I've felt like all that has disappeared. I haven't been to church in a while, I can't find a church where I feel comfortable. I've found myself not reading my bible too often, and sometimes I can make it through a whole day only saying a few words to God. I run everyday, but its just running these days. Though my life is moving forward and I'm feeling happy again, I still feel like I'm just living a routine. I can't find my pace nor lose myself in my steps. And though it is there, my faith feels so broken.

Because I feel so broken.

I've gone through my blog from the past months and any onlooker would think I'm bipolar because my posts seem to shift from happy to sad to happy again, each day something different. I don't think bipolar is the case, but I do think my posts show the struggle I have and still am facing. When our lives are shaken, they are shaken and it's never an easy journey nor a fast one. Which is why I am nothing but honest in my writing, even if the only people who read this are strangers.

I am human and I am struggling, but the one thing I do hold onto is hope. I may feel weaker in my faith than I have ever felt before, I may be questioning, struggling, feeling uncomfortable, but I do know above all else that God is there and loves me, even if I can't feel him as strongly as I used too. I struggle with sin, with guilt, with understanding, and with accepting grace because I know that I do not deserve it. But then again, do we ever deserve anything in this life? Even this life? No... we don't, but I guess that is what grace is. However, knowing that I am a dirty, broken, ragamuffin sinner makes it hard sometimes.

Which is where this post comes in. I suppose I'm confessing but also looking for a new beginning. I very strongly feel that I need a new one and I want to find it. Not in anything of this world or things like that... but a new beginning in my faith. I know it's still going to be a long, hard journey but I have to search, I have to continue to hope that I can move forward.
So, considering I am stressed out of my mind because of the end of the semester wrap out... I'm taking a small hiatus from writing. I'm going to try to clear my head of school and hopefully during my break, come back with the beginning of my journey. I'll probably be revamping my blog again and my writing, but I want to write from my heart again. I want to feel compelled again. I want to heal.


And everything that hurts will be whole again
-Robbie Seay Band "Love Wins"

Being Thankful

I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I know I've been on hiatus for a little bit, life is just too busy, but it's time to pause, breathe, and reflect on the beauty in life. So, I challenge you all to do that today!

Eat a lot of turkey, spend time with your loved ones, and cherish each breath. (I know, cliche, but the truth!)

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

Just a rough draft..

There was a day when she sat
in the cafe looking
for hope in the dictionary.
For happiness in Bartlett's Quotations.
The pot drip,
drip,
dripping.

How she spent hours sipping coffee,
the sweetness relishing on her tongue
like that of a desire,
despite the scalding temperature.
If it hurts you, just breathe in
When it pains you, just believe in

Hope, which found her two weeks later.
Not in the power of words or
the taste of her coffee
but in the smile that makes everything disappear
when it breaks only for her.
And everything that hurts will be whole again

In the time it takes to brew.

Blah

I haven't written anything in several days and I fear I'm reaching that point of the semester again....

The point where I'm so burnt out on school, and reading, and writing, that my brain is just so spacey every day of the week.
Somehow, I am going to fight this.

I feel free again.


And it's the most wonderful feeling in the world.

Thoughts on a Friday

Hello dear readers...what a wonderful Friday it is. It's gorgeously sunny outside and freakishly warm. Hard to believe it's November 7th! I'm just waiting for next week though when the snow will probably hit!

1. I have had a wonderful week, mostly because of the weather and my running is going strong. I found out a few days ago from the coach that all my hard work has paid off. I may still be slightly slower than the rest of the team (but my goal isn't to be a champion, just to finish!) HOWEVER, I found out I'll be running in the first meet of the indoor season! Which means I made the roster and am officially part of the team. I am so excited, I never thought I could be a NCAA Division ! athlete and now the prospect of running a 1000 m race (what they are thinking of putting me in) gives me another level of motivation to focus on. I'm not running past things anymore, I'm running towards something... and it's wonderful.
2. I'm contemplating quitting one of my jobs. I have planned on doing so for next semester (granted I get the loan money I'm expecting) but I almost can't wait. I just want to walk out right now and not come back. There's too much drama and gossip here. I'm starting to really hate the attitudes, mainly because they put me is such a crappy mood. If only I could afford life... Keep persevering, isn't that what I always tell myself? Not much longer...

Well, that's about what is on my mind today... besides being extremely smiley, I'm just enjoying my days right now, one at a time.

Have a wonderful weekend!

America

Wow. I'm in no way surprised by yesterday's election results, I had the feeling our President-Elect would turn out to be who it is, but I'm in shock.
I'm curious.
I'm scared.

To have someone lead a country who has absolutely no experience.... Prayer should become our lifeline.